


it's that pivotal moment

by ashley_in_the_know



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Character Study, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, Vox Machina through the lens of their first kisses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-18
Updated: 2020-01-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:40:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22302742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashley_in_the_know/pseuds/ashley_in_the_know
Comments: 4
Kudos: 38





	it's that pivotal moment

You are five years old and just starting school. There’s a pretty halfling girl that sits next to you during lunchtime and holds your hand in music class. You kiss her on the lips at recess, and she and her friends run away giggling. When you tell your mother that night, she laughs and tells you that if you’re not careful, you’ll grow up to be a heartbreaker. When your mother asks what the girl’s name is, you can’t remember.

She’s the first on a long list of names you can’t remember.

* * *

You are nine years old. The half-orc boy that you’ve had a crush on all summer is ten, and his family is leaving town tomorrow. His tusks feel funny against your lips when he kisses you goodbye, so very different from your mama and Vax, but you get butterflies in your tummy regardless. He wipes away the tears from your cheeks and promises he’ll be back next summer.

By the time he makes it back to Byroden, you and Vax have already been in Syngorn for a month.

* * *

You are eleven years old. Your friend Magda wants to practice kissing, but before your lips can touch, she stops you. _Wait_ she says. _Does your god even let you kiss people? My sister says some gods don’t let you kiss or get married or_ anything. You run back inside to ask Papa Wilhand, and he laughs so hard his face turns purple. _Oh my sweet girl_ he says, wiping tears from his eyes, _you can kiss whoever you’d like._ It’s an awkward kiss; too much saliva, the angle’s all wrong, you’re pretty sure Magda bites your lip. You like it a lot. Magda wrinkles her nose. _That was a dumb idea,_ she says. _Kissing is gross._ You nod with a lump in your throat. _Yeah, totally._ You hope Sarenrae isn’t disappointed in you for lying.

It becomes a habit for you; lying about your feelings to make everyone else comfortable.

* * *

It’s your fourteenth birthday. You sneak off into the forest with a boy from your sister’s archery class. He has soft hands, softer than you’d expect from an archer, and even softer lips. You feel like you could write poems about his lips. The two of you kiss for a while, and it’s great. Until his father catches you and he pushes away, babbling about how you made him do it and he didn’t want to, never mind the fact that his hand was tangled in your hair. His father gives you the credit of not believing the lie, but he still sneers at you and says he’ll be talking with your father.

You’re grateful that Vex’ahlia doesn’t question your sudden desire to leave and never come back.

* * *

Do you remember your first kiss? You aren’t even sure anymore. Were you sixteen? Awkward and barely interested? Was she the sister of your brother’s fiance or her cousin? Did she actually mock your lack of experience, or are you making that up? You genuinely don’t know what’s real anymore.

Are _you_ even real anymore?

* * *

You are twenty years old and Lawrence is _everything_. He is the storybook hero you’ve always dreamed of being. He makes you swoon, and the day he finally kisses you is the single best day of your life. So of course your father ruins it by separating the two of you.

It is some form of miracle only found in books that your first kiss is also your last.

* * *

You are twenty-two years old and Kashaw Vesh is your first kiss. You aren’t prepared for it, and you aren’t sure how you’re supposed to feel. Are you supposed to be giddy and excited like your friends are for you? It was nice, sure, but you aren’t really sure what all the fuss is about. You start to wonder, not for the first time, if you’re doing feelings wrong. And then Vax kisses you a month later, and you _get it_.

After centuries have passed, your only regret is that you didn’t get more time with him.

* * *

You’re not really sure how old you are. Numbers have never been your thing, and as long as you ain’t dead, what does it matter, right? You ask Pike what counts as a first kiss. Scanlan and the twins have been telling stories, making Percy and Keyleth blush, and you play along, but you’re not really sure. ‘cause, yeah, you’ve been to brothels and shit, but you don’t think that really counts. Pike pats your hand and tells you that it only counts if you want it to count. You grin and confide in her that your first kiss was the nymph in the Feywild.

What you don’t tell her is that you remember her kissing you on the cheek after you saved Wilhand. You don’t tell Pike that you would count her as your first kiss.


End file.
